What Hurts The Most
by Crazy4NeilPatrickHarris
Summary: my take on how Neal reacts after Kates plane explodes
1. Chapter 1

Neal watches Kate's plane blow up on the runway and tries to run to the plane to rescue Kate but Peter grabs him and Neal yells NOOOOOOOOO and Peter holds Neal while he is crying into his shoulder "Kates gone forever isnt she " Neal says while tears are falling from his baby blue eyes and Peter says" yes Neal shes gone "Why couldnt it have been me not her" Neal says quietly while being heartbroken over losing the love of his life.

Peter looks at him and says " why you thinking that" Neal looks at him "because your the only one " "the only one what " peter says and Neal says " out of all the people in my life moz kate you and the others you know your the only person in my life that I trust " Peter holds Neal and says "How about i take you home " and Neal says" no peter i dont want to be alone right now im heartbroken i'll never find another kate and have what you and Elizabeth have " Peter said "how about we go to my house and el and satchmo can cheer you up" Neal stayed quiet the who ride to Peter's house.

Peter and Neal went in the house and Neal was crying when he saw elizabeth and she hugged him and said " oh Neal im so sorry about Kate " and Satchmo knew the conman was sad and he licked Neal's hand "your like the son we never had " Elizabeth said and Neal smiled "thanks elizabeth and you and peter are the parents i never had "


	2. Chapter 2

Elizabeth smiled and hugged Neal and said your welcome to stay here the night Neal said okay and couldnt sleep so he listened to the radio in the guest room when this song by Rascal Flatts came on

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let em out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay  
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin' what could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was trying to do

Neal thought that the song fit him perfectly because of what happened to kate when it came to this part and he sang along to the song

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin you everywhere I go  
But I'm doing it  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin' what could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was trying to do, oh

when the song ended Neal was crying Kate meant so much to him now the love of his life was gone forever and Peter went in the guestroom and hugged the heartbroken coman "its gonna be okay Neal you will be sad for awhile but you will be okay" Peter told him.

Neal looked up and Peter saw the sadness in Neal's eyes replacing the baby blue color and said "I know but Peter she was my picket fence I want what you and Elizabeth have but it wont ever happen to me " Elizabeth hugged Neal and Satchmo came in and curled up next to him Neal said " satchmo knows i'm sad Elizabeth nodded " yes he does he loves when you come to see him " she said


	3. Chapter 3

then few seconds later Neal fell asleep while Satchmo stayed curled up next to him he knew he was safe even though Kate was gone he was freaking out the next day at the office Peter saw Neal start shaking and fighting back the tears while working on a case Peter gave him to help out on.

Peter walked out of his office and walked to Neal's desk and said "you okay neal I know its only been a week since Kate passed away and you will be greiving for a while but soon it will be okay you will feel better" Neal looked up at Peter with tears in his baby blue eyes and said "I cant be heartbroken all the time i mean sure kate was my everything but I wont ever find my picket fence " while tears fell down Neal's face Peter hugged him "I have had nightmares Peter every night since that day i cant sleep its all i can think of "

Peter Rubbed Neals back and said "its gonna be okay you will have rough days Neal but it does get better " Neal said " how do you know that Peter I'll end up alone forever and never find find my picket fence" El hugged Neal when they got home that night " Neal you okay " she said after Neal petted Satchmo "yes elizabeth im okay i miss kate and im broken I mean im not me" the baby blue in Neal's eyes was now full of sadness and loneliness and said"Peter your right family doesnt't show up on your door step after 30 years they are the ones who have been there when you need them you and Elizabeth and Satchmo are my family" Peter and Elizabth smiled and and El Said" Neal your our family too" Neal looked up from petting Satchmo and smiled


	4. Chapter 4

I start having a breakdown "I can't- How am I supposed to go on? We were supposed to have a new start. We were finally together and now…"  
Peter smiled sadly and patted Neal's shoulder.  
"We are going to find who is behind all this Neal. I promise." .

"you wont admit it you dont show it but i know how difficult these last few months have been to you" peter said to me while i looked at him then he handed me the file with the things bought for the bomb on kate's plane and I looked at the name and it said "Aaron Burgess" .

you know that is peter said " Its fowler's alias" and i looked at him and peter said you okay and i said "no peter im not okay" I tried holding back the tears from sliding down my face but i couldnt and Elizabeth hugged me "Neal its gonna be okay .

" No Peter it will never be okay because I Loved Kate she was my elizabeth " Neal said while tears he didnt know he was fighting were falling down his face.

Elizabeth looked at Peter and hugged Neal and said " Neal its gonna be okay me and Peter are right here I know your heartbroken by losing Kate but soon you will be okay and Peter will give you time off to mourn her" Neal Looked up at Elizabeth and smiled .

" I keep having flashbacks to the plane and peter holding me back from running to the plane after it exploded then I fell to ground screaming at Kate " Neal said while wiping his eyes.

Elizabeth wrapped her arms around Neal while he snuggled close under the blanket Peter got from the hall closet for him.


End file.
